If you can’t enjoy people,you can’t enjoy life.

Enjoying people is loving people.

Sunday is always family day

but it hasn’t been so as Mum and Aunt Zoe have been working and globe-trotting at a surprisingly frequent rate.

They’ve been flying to Taiwan, Beijing and Tokyo and Turkey are their next destinations.

I really don’t enjoy having my Sundays interrupted but anyhow I have to cope with changes and learn how to enjoy them in other ways, with other people or with myself.

Thinking about traveling, I did not fly at all in 2009!

And I just recall I wrote this note in my Moleskin schedule book’s Travels Planning page on new year’s day,

‘Unless it’s a business trip, holidays abroad remains a liability! [Until I’ve accumulated a fat shopping bank account].’

A month ago, I booked a flight to somewhere although I had a bad feeling about it. I was determined to go yet few days before flying, I fell so ill I had to be accompanied wherever I went for a week! And the whole holiday plan was aborted. I should have stuck to my beliefs from the beginning!

Now, I gladly remain in Singapore and am looking forward to a glorious ending of 2009, with mum and Aunt Zoe or not. Val, big heart equals big life. Have a big life!

One of the quickest way I relax and recharge my soul

is to lay all things aside,

look up into the sky

and slow down to appreciate the beauty of nature.

Nature is a gentle yet powerful reminder that my life is in the hands of a very creative, intelligent, beautiful and altogether perfect person.

The Sun, a glorious fireball that illuminates our days never fails to show up every morning, reminds me that even when the world goes out of order, when all who’s in it are panicking in its chaos and confusion,

those who know him are secure and at peace.

The vast sky which he paints blue and the cotton pillows decorated on them reminds me of how limitless yet gentle he is.

The strength and roar of ocean waves proclaim his deep love that could cast all fears from me; faith takes over and enables me to do the impossible.

Appreciating nature instantly draws me near to my Best Friend.

And as I enjoy this moment, I have joy all over, all over me.

One change I’ve been desiring is to regain the physical health and fitness I had seven years back. 

Spiritually dead and ferociously ambitious at 16 years old, I desired, disciplined and delighted in achieving a physical fitness performance that pleased my PE teachers, a wild intellect that impressed my older peers and unconventional relationships that made adults drop their jaws.

Body and Soul [ Mind and Heart ] - if I had to develop myself, I developed to the extremities.

I achieved my visions.

I won recognition and praise.

I had all yet I had nothing.

The emptiness outgrew, overwhelmed and overcame me -

I broke and crumbled.

Nothing was beneath me anymore.

So I had to crawl.

And I’m glad I crawled straight home, where I’ve always belonged.

There, true life was breathed into me.

Now, I had body, soul and spirit.

With a new conviction that physical, intellectual and emotional pursuits could never make a person whole, I dumped all my habits to embrace a new beginning.

My new focus was developing my spiritual life.

I desired, disciplined and delighted in it while my physical health frizzled away. And truth has taught me that this is never meant for me, and every human being.

To be whole, I must be committed to consistently develop my entire being - body, soul and spirit.

I desire many things but only discipline can turn dreams into reality.

Discipline is inconvenient, uncomfortable and exhausting in the beginning but it always leads you to breakthrough to a new level - delight! You’ve paid the price. Now, enjoy the prize. These new habits become part of your new lifestyle and ultimately, a new you.

Who I am is what I do repeatedly.

What habits have I cultivated in my body, soul and spirit?

Do they lead me closer to or farther from what I desire to become?

Mars bars, candy necklaces, bowling toy sets, sandy playgrounds, a milk- bottle of sweet and sour Ribena and the rattan rocking chair remind me of the sparse periods spent with my father twenty years ago.

One of my favourite times with him was sitting on his shoulders, as he paraded me along the streets. For fear of falling, my tiny fists would grab as much of his hair I could. He would yelp in pain yet chuckle along. The smell of cigarettes on him, somehow, calmed and assured my safety.

No matter how much I never seemed to mind his absence, I could not quiet the hunger for a father’s love.

Every child is designed to be loved by her mother and father.

No child can run away from this need.

To a kid, her dad and mum’s promises are unforgettably precious.

Writing this, I discover the reason to my passion for driving and love for rainy weather:

it is the moments spent with dad in the car, when the wipers madly swing from left to right and the rain went swish, swish, swish. My curious tiny hand experimented the brakes. He smiled down at me and promised, ‘When you grow up, I will teach you how to drive, okay?’ I nodded and waited for that day to come.

Parents come and go.

That day hasn’t come. I’m not waiting anymore

because I’ve found another daddy, and learned he’s my father all along,

from beginning to forever.

I don’t have to wait for a car. He’s been teaching me countless things.

I must say, I really enjoy him.

I’ve been rediscovering the bliss of sitting with friends over food and drinks. Past two years, yes, past two years, I’ve notoriously stacked other ‘priorities’ above the simple activity of dining with friends. The idea of sitting down to relax over a meal evaporated from my schedule.

Since the shock of my falling ill recently, I’ve been unlearning my fast and furious way of living and am still familiarizing myself with a more balanced, healthy pace. Death or life, I choose. And I’ve chosen life.

Today, I’m still adapting to the new momentum.

Just yesterday, I confided in Carol my new resolution,

‘I really need to learn how to enjoy sleeping.’

And she could only laugh at my eccentric wish, which reminded me what she taught me a few moments before that,

‘Val, how could you be excellent when you are relaxing!?’

I was dumbfounded by the revelation.

All this time, I want to be ‘laser-focused, disciplined, excellent, effective, punctual, creative, audacious,…’ and reading along, my heart seems pump harder, how could I be STILL and RELAXED? This is truly an art I’ve not mastered. Mastered. Look, it’s my chronic tendency of ‘doing all things fantastically’ kicking in again. Okay, ‘learned’ sounds more balanced. ’ I’ve a long way to go before I successfully enjoy sleep and ‘chilling out’ without the ambition of being ‘excellent’ or ‘disciplined.’.

I am grateful for a bunch of encouraging friends who’ve been sticking by and overlooking my ice-queen treatment since the longest time. The brief snacks and conversations in train-rides we’ve had past weeks are cherished more than you could imagine.

Simple things done together with people does wonders to your soul.

To me, it’s incredibly nourishing!

Looking forward to my dinner date with two girls tomorrow.

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If you want a miracle to happen, you must allow the illogical and unexplainable to arrive in your life. Miracles are so sensitive to our beliefs.
They keep themselves away when they feel overlooked or unwanted.
But they bloom and multiply where they are hoped for, welcomed and cherished.

*

In my lifetime, there’ll be two Valeries to handle.

I’ve to manage them with great attention, care and wisdom

because they disagree, sometimes,

and only one can have her way.

Without attention, I could be deceived very easily for the mind is a mind of its own when it is not tamed, disciplined and regularly led by truth. It would run stray far and wide and lose itself. It would sniff out all things and taste them good or bad. It has suffered unforgettable consequences. Sometimes, it returns to its own vomit and never learns its lesson. Getting to know myself these 23 years, I’ve discovered that mine is like a Great Dane, the largest dog breed, who could be so mighty and strong that occasionally, it trips itself to dangerous falls.

With great care, because I could be upset with myself and round up beating my own to a pulp. I have been learning how to be gentle with myself; to correct not criticize, to chastise not condemn, to teach not punish. When I’m impatient with myself, it’s impossible to be patient with others.

With wisdom, because without the ability of discerning the difference between what’s good and bad, what’s truth and false, I could have all the knowledge and not know what right decisions to make.

It is a daily decision making process to choose the winner.

Body, spirit, soul.

Clever people knows who should win.

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